It's really hard to watch those that love me the most mourning me, when I'm sitting right next to them.
(My mind reminds me of this photo; so full - but, I just cannot reach any of it.)
Here's what I lost:
- All sense of self..
- All sense of purpose/direction..
- All sense of belonging/camaraderie..
- Knowing where I came from, and what I've been through..
- Coping skills that took a life-time to formulate and perfect..
- A plethora of knowledge, experience, and skills that are learned - not things I'm born with..
- My life's work - journals full of designs, sketches, & years worth of paintings..
- My life's writings - poems, books, improvements to things already written, detailed instructions for various things, etc..
- Memories that are alive in everyone else - but I'm the ghost to remind everyone exactly how much they've lost...
I've lost a LOT and every single day that I look into a loved one's eyes I see even more loss - in my own reflection.
Some days - that's all I feel I am, a ghost/reflection.