Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Dark Days of Headaches and Insomnia

Sometimes sleep eludes me, and the pain that follows makes me want to be asleep for months at a time... or until the pain stops.

Today's somber post is about pain associated with TBI (traumatic brain injury) & PCD (Postconcussive Disorder) :

Not all headaches are felt equally. Some people have minor aching, some have throbbing, some have nausea, some have light &/or sound sensitivity, some keep you up at night, some cause dizziness... etc... sometimes though, the headaches are all of thee above, and then some. These all-encompassing headaches are unbearable.

The 'all-encompassing' headaches are the ones I am plagued with.

I'm a firm believer that BEFORE subjecting myself to medications (which I find to be quite extreme) I try homeopathy, aromatherapy, light and sound therapy, and touch-therapy First. If all of these fail, then I know I'm not out of the woods just yet.. there's always a pill to take that will dull the roar of these astoundingly painful headaches... but I hate them -I know, I used the word "hate" which I don't like to do, but - - - I Hate medicines. Meds make me feel more ill after I've taken them, even if they do what they're meant to do. In this example, pain medication taking away pain, but giving more undesirable results instead.

Seems sometimes, that no matter how careful and healthy you're being, and no matter what you do, you'll still have to struggle. This has been my case, so far.. sadly. I truly hoped somehow that I'd be able to cheer people up about such an uneasy term of life. In this case, head injury and what happens after the fact. Amnesia - well - we all are aware that not even the most adept Neurologist can "fix" the brain or even know entirely all of the brain's functions and how exactly they work together. I can't speculate how to "fix" amnesia, and I'm still trying to figure out HOW to LIVE WITH IT.... it's NOT easy.

-Reduction of my social interactions has helped, but it's also made me very lonely.
-Reduction of stress only causes MORE stress, because those around me who don't understand what I'm experiencing, don't want to change their habits just to suffice to my issues... which makes sense. *(I know I'd do my best to help someone if the situation were reversed, but I'd feel kind of obligated - as in, I'd do it, but I wouldn't be happy about it. We ALL know how that ends up most of the times. With bitterness and sour feelings.)

-Reduction of stressors, well... pfffft! That's about as easy as finding an honest politician. ( ha! ) Stress is everywhere, and the things that cause it are what seemingly keeps America alive. (Just my jaded opinion here, don't take what I say as gospel.)

In all, I'd LOVE to tell everyone who's experiencing these things that there is hope out there, a solution to this ever-evolving problem, but, I think it is a personal-circle issue now. The Dr's have all told me there's no "fixing" my headaches, body pains, nerve damages, or my amnesia/memory issues, so I'm forced to find ways to make my own life better. I'm not sure HOW to, but I'm trying with all my might to make this life of mine bearable enough to have a quality of living.

With cancer that is returning, and all of the things it's caused in my body, on top of this head injury stuff and memory loss, I'm not sure how I manage to even write in this blog once or twice a month.

I guess I'm just venting here....