Sunday, April 6, 2014

Instructions NOT Included... LOL

5 Things Not To Say To Someone With Amnesia:

1- "Hey, Remember.....(insert any question at all, here!)?"
Really you guys? We have AMNESIA - a memory keeping and forming injury.
Ha! C'mon... use your head sillies!!!
(It's starting not to bother me so often, but it's still REALLY awk-warrrrd. LOL.. Plus, it's a HUGE disappointment when we see the looks of disappointment & longing on YOUR face. It hurts, a LOT.)
Hey, to be fair - I know you're just really hoping that perhaps they still DO remember such-&-such event/experience, but let them ask you if you remember such-&-such instead... It's a lot less stressful on both parties.
*You might not get so disappointed (like you would by asking them, & them not remembering - & possibly getting upset at you for it..) if you just allow them time to come to you about stuff in their own time/ways.*

 "Your favorite things are..._____, _____, _____."
Those things might have drastically changed since the incident so, unless you've been asked to tell things like this than you probably should just let those things happen naturally and come to light in a more organic way (the same way them asking you if you remember 'such-&-such'.)
Shoving too much information onto/into someone causes overload.
The amnesiac person is already completely overwhelmed & overloaded all the time anyways.
(A Little at a time... a little at a time..... that's your new mantra, guys.)

 "It's okay, this (random person they don't know) had (this random result that has Nothing to do with the amnesiac person you're talking with).. OR their personal injury/condition"....
..ya, that's NOT helpful, and often confusing and hurtful because it sparks a tiny flame of hope that if NOT fulfilled creates a wildfire of disappointment, self-judgments, and self-ridicule [why didn't ___result happen for me?.... etc, etc, etc.] No two injuries or experiences with TBI/Brain Injuries are the same. A professional Neuroscientist can confirm that.

 "It could be worse"...
REALLY!? And YOU know this HOW? ;) LOL
There are worse things than death (which is what the memories had happen,) dismemberment (which amnesia sorta kinda is, inside/from your own self and everything you've ever known,) or torture.... (which amnesia really kinda super is.)
You honestly don't know what you're saying when you say that..
That's like saying to a soldier's wife who's husband died in combat, "He died for you, Ma'am"... when in actuality that's the furthest from the truth, nor is it comforting!
(Don't belittle things you're not personally going through. My hangnail -vs- your hangnail, could be the difference in my paper-cut -vs- your open-heart surgery.. okay? Or vice-versa. Nobody truly knows how deeply any one thing effects any other person - or why - but respecting that it does effect them, makes ALL the difference.)

"It'll get better"....
Ya, each day is it's own struggle, and there's nothing BETTER about today than yesterday - Different? Yes. ..Better? No, not so much.

Every situation on earth
does not have instructions accompanying the aftermath. (Although I'm sure the majority of us would wish they had!)
There's no "right" way to help someone. . .
Just be loving, be THOUGHTFUL (not thoughtless) and maybe even do a tiny bit of research?

I dunno... If I'm looking for solutions, I actually LOOK for the solutions. I take avenues that might be wrong, but look down them anyhow just in case there's something useful - otherwise, I try to either ask the source (the person I'm trying to be helpful to) or ask a pro (in this case, a bunch of them, online & in person, too.)

* Just do not, NOT help. * Do not, NOT say you care. * Do not, NOT at least try. Most important - DO NOT GIVE UP ON THEM/YOURSELF! *

If they receive you poorly, try again. Explain that you're just trying to be there for them, and that you care.

Definitely ALWAYS assure the amnesiac that they are safe, even though they may not feel like it, and that they're cared about.... because let me tell you guys - NOTHING is certain when you have no memories... Nothing. If you can even slightly imagine that, than you can slightly understand one moment of an amnesiacs day/night. It's rough.